


it's our paradise (and it's our war zone)

by fakeheaux



Series: i'll be there for you [1]
Category: Friends (TV), One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Breakups, F/M, Fighting, Friends!AU, M/M, bressie is mark, gigi is the girl zayn/ross sleeps with, harry is joey/chandler rolled into one, lilo and pheobe and monica, niall is rachel, zayn is ross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakeheaux/pseuds/fakeheaux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We were on a break!" Zayn yells.</p><p>or The One With Ross and Rachel, Reimagined</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's our paradise (and it's our war zone)

**Author's Note:**

> I have probably totally messed up the iconic moment from the iconic tv show but who cares, amirite?
> 
> Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Nouis's apartment is Monica and Rachel's apartment, but Niall's work office is not Rachel's work office. And even though Harry is Chandler, he and Zayn don't live across the hall from Nouis. Liam lives in the Joey/Chandler apartment. And even though M&R's apartment is in New York, Nouis's is in England. So.
> 
> Zayn is like, an absolute asshole in this, which is only because that's how I see Ross in this situation. Sorry. 
> 
> Title from pillowtalk by zayn, obviously.
> 
> Enjoy

It starts when Zayn won't leave Niall alone at work. He keeps calling and calling and _calling_ , even though Niall keeps telling him _I'm working on a deadline due at midnight, babe, I really can't talk right now._  Keeps saying that he just wants to spend time with his boyfriend on their anniversary.

And Niall understands, obviously he does, but he's got _work_ , and he can't just drop it. He'll make it up to Zayn later, but right now he needs to get this article written and proofed, then make sure the rest of his layout is up to par, then check in with the rest of his section.

Honestly, it's not his fault that their topic got pulled at the last minute.

"Niall, you've got a visitor." A crackly voice intones over his monitor. The receptionist, Sophia. Bless her heart, she's been nothing to but an angel to him, even when she and Liam broke up. 

"Who?" He asks. And she doesn't answer, for whatever reason, but it's okay, because they're all tired so she might have just been bored.

He really thinks it's possible, until Zayn walks into his shared office. Bressie gives him a _look_ , but it's not exactly like Niall invited Zayn over.

"Hiii," Zayn drawls, grinning. Niall just stares, mouth hanging open. He's holding a picnic basket. "I, um, I thought we could just have dinner here? For our anniversary."

And Niall's heart could break with the hope that is spelled out in Zayn's eyes, but he can't right now.

"Zayn, I really can't spare any time right now; I've got a half hour to do this." He says apologetically. "Just go home, yeah, and we can eat when I'm done."

Biting his lip, Zayn just sets the basket down on his desk. Niall's jaw drops. "You won't even know I'm here, babes, promise. Just - just eat some, yeah, and keep on working. It'll be fine."

Bressie scoffs from across the room, dark under the eyes and tight in the mouth, and Niall knows he shouldn't but-

"Okay, but you need to be quiet, Zayn, we might be making some phone calls, so-"

"You won't even notice me!" Zayn smiles so wide it looks like it could hurt, and sits down across from him. Niall and Bressie go back to their computer screens, Bressie almost immediately picking up his phone to yell at one of the photographers. Jade must have forgotten to give all the needed information, then.

Zayn starts picking through the basket, and he must have wrapped everything in aluminum or something because it won't stop crinkling, and Bressie is shooting daggers at them while covering his free ear, and Niall sighs.

"Zayn, would you _please_ -"

He finally pulls out whatever he was going for, what looks like a bowl of curri, and grins sheepishly. "Sorry. Got it, though."

Smiling tightly, Niall gets tried to get back to work, only he notices a missing quote he asked to be put in three hours ago. He sighs, running a hand over his mouth, and picks up his phone.

"Pez, hey, why don't we have the quote from - what d'ya _mean_ he never answered? I called him meself yesterday and he said that, as long as we called him back, he'd give us the quote!" Perrie snaps an answer back at him, but he can't hear over Zayn unwrapping his stupid _bowl -_

"Zayn, babe, stop," he whispers harshly. Wide brown eyes dart between him and the barely unwrapped bowl, and Niall shakes his head, _no_.

"Perrie, you have fifteen minutes to get me a quote that is at least somewhat relevant to this story, okay? No, I don't care if it's my topic, okay, you were in charge of half the spread and the quotes were under your name in the spreadsheet. Get me a quote." He tries not to slam the receiver down, but everyone fails sometimes.

With something that looks like determination in his eyes, Zayn rips the wrapper off the bowl. The noise is quick, gone fast, but it's still so loud in the otherwise silent office, and Niall drops his head.

"Are you done?" He asks. Laughing nervously, Zayn nods.

"Oh, but look; I brought a candle so it could be romantic, like. Cause it's our anniversary." He grins bashfully, and Niall feels his heart swell with fondness.

He sighs. "Alright, light it up, but don't put it anywhere near something flammable, alright? I'll eat in a mo, just let me finish up this spread first."

They work in relative silence, after that, Zayn feeding Niall bites of chicken every now and again and Bressie no longer giving them a stink eye. Niall has faith that they might actually finish before the deadline. Which is probably what jinxes them.

Turns out Eleanor decided that, no, she wouldn't redo her _'Dress Like Her'_ article, because it was "-a damn good one, Horan, and has absolutely nothing that conflicts with the new topic for the section, so you go ahead and you let Winston know that he can either keep the article or pull me out of this week's issue altogether!"

Groaning, Niall places his hands on her shoulders. "El, we're not doing _Royals_ anymore, having an article on Princess Eleanor _does_ conflict with a whole section about _Jessica_ _Jones_! You don't even have to focus on Jessica; just focus on her friend, the - the blonde one, I can't remember her name-"

"Patsy." Zayn cuts in. Niall and Eleanor look to him from where they're standing. He's sitting in his chair, cool as ever, and just. Watching them. Niall will deal with that later. 

"Patsy, thank you, Zayn." He turns back to Eleanor. "Now, all you need to-"

"Or were you talking about Hope?" Zayn interrupts. Niall clenches his jaw.

"I really don't care, actually, just so long as you do an article on someone who pertains to the show, alright?" He shrugs. "How hard can it be; you know every bit of fabric just by looking at it."

Huffing, Eleanor stomps out of the room. At the same moment, Zayn stands, Bressie walks back in, and Niall turns around. They were all bad decisions, really.

Bressie bumps into Niall, who had already been about to bump into Zayn, who was for some reason heading out of the office but is now flailing his arms because he's falling backwards-

And lands against the desk, which shakes from the force of impact and is housing the candle, which wobbles dangerously on its small holder. All three men look on with wide eyes and open mouths as it topples over, directly onto a stack of magazines that hadn't been sent out yet for delivery.

Luckily, the flames from the candle don't last long, because Bressis had the good sense to toss his water on them, but the flames from Niall's anger can not be so easily doused.

"I am so sorry, babes," Zayn rushes to apologize. "I thought it was gonna be fine there, and I didn't see you when I-"

"Get out." Niall snaps. Zayn stares at him, eyes wide and hurt. "Get out, Zayn! Go wait in the break room till I'm done, or even just go home; I don't care! Just leave so I can get this done before twelve!"

With his hurt quickly morphing into an anger of his own, Zayn snatched up his things, including the burnt out candle, and storms out.

"Good going, chief." Bressie snorts.

"Don't start with me, Brez, or I'll kick you out next."

***

"You have no right to be mad at me, Zayn, I told you we couldn't do tonight!" Niall rips off his coat, shoving it onto its hook aggressively.

Laughing sarcastically, Zayn stalks past him. "Oh yeah, sure, so it's my fault that I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend on our anniversary. _Excuse me_ if I wanted to do something nice."

Disbelieving, Niall gapes at his back. "I'm not saying I don't appreciate it, Zed, I'm saying that you could have waited one more day." He takes a step closer. "It was really sweet, what you did, but you should have listened when I said _not tonight_."

Whirling to face him, Zayn scoffs. Niall only calls him Zed when he's really pissed off, even though he has no _right_ to be. "I wanted to spend time with you, is that so bad? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever; you're always working or out with the people from the office-"

"I am doing my job, Zed." Niall snaps. "I don't make my schedule, and when I go out with the crew it's for a pint and that's _it_!" He takes a deep breath, lets it out loudly. "It's not my fault if I'm actually required to show up to work."

Zayn's face falls into something so completely unamused that Niall has to laugh. It's short, nothing big, but he does. It's half past one in the morning and he hasn't slept since six the day before. Sue him.

"I'm not blaming you for working, Ni, I'm just saying that you've been pulling long hours and I'm tired of only seeing you when I wake up for three seconds at four in the morning." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just - you should be home more often."

Niall shakes his head. "Zed, I'm actually doing something I enjoy. For the first time in my life, I don't hate my job. If I have to work long hours so I can move up, I _will_." He shrugs. "I didn't complain this much when you were spending all your time in the studio with - with fucking Shahid. No, excuse me, _Naughty_ _Boy_. Our first date was literally in the studio because you just _had_ to record that song on that night."

Affronted, Zayn takes three steps closer, so he's one step away from Niall.

"Is this about Bressie?" He breathes. He regrets asking the second Niall's eyes grow wide with anger, something Zayn has never seen before. "Okay, so it's not."

"What the _feck_ is your problem with Bressie, Zayn? He's a mate, that's all, end of story." Niall tears the fridge door open, pulls out a Snapple and slams the door back closed. "You are _insanely_  jealous of him and for no reason!"

"You can't really blame me, can you? For weeks all I heard about was Bressie this, Bressie that; I'm so tired of hearing about him!" Zayn snaps. Scoffing, Niall just takes a long pull from his drink.

"So, what? No answer? The entire way home all I heard was you going off and now you're gonna stay silent?" He shakes his head. "Really fucking convenient, Ni, truly."

Slamming down his bottle - and swearing that he hears the glass crack - Niall turns to Zayn. "First off, learn how to use convenient in the right context. Second off, I have nothing left to say. Except-" he sighs. "I think we should take a break."

Zayn lets out a shaky breath. "You're right, let's just calm down, get something to eat or-"

"No, Zayn," Niall sighs. He runs a hand down his face. "A break from us. From - from _this_." He waves a hand between them.

Eyes shining and jaw set, Zayn nods. "Fine," he snaps, and he grabs his - his stupid _fucking_ basket and his coat and walks out, slamming the door behind him.

A quiet squeak comes from Louis's door, and Niall turns to him slowly, eyes watering and face flushed from anger, or sadness, or whatever.

"D'you need anything, lad?" He asks quietly. Niall shakes his head.

"No, just. Wanna be left alone, like." He shrugs. "M'gonna-" he waves vaguely towards him room. "Yeah."

***

"He's blaming me," Zayn sighs. Harry stares at him with those doe eyes of his, biting on his thumbnail.

"And you don't think this is even partially your fault?" He mumbles. Zayn struggles to hear him over the music in the pub, but he widens his eyes, and scoffs.

"No, this isn't my fault, like. He's the one who was gonna work overnight on our anniversary. I was just making sure we, you know, have a stable relationship, like." He shakes his head, pulls from his bottle. "'S not my fault."

Harry whines out a little noise, tilting his head side to side. "It's _kind of_ your fault. I mean," he holds his hands up defensively when Zayn glares at him, "he did tell you he couldn't do tonight."

Tipping his bottle back again, the other boy shakes his head. "Unbelievable. Whose side are you on anyway?"

Harry shrugs, taking a sip of his soda. "I'm on no one's side. If I were to pick a side, it'd be like," he waves a hand around. "Choosing a parent to live with after the divorce. It gives an incredibly ridiculous ego boost to whoever you pick, but hurts the one you don't beyond reason." He shrugs again. "I just don't see why there even has to _be_ a side."

"Listen, Haz, I know you majored in English and that, but just. Do you ever think about speaking in literal terms?" Zayn mumbles. "I'm not drunk enough to listen to your psychobabble." His eyes have been roaming since he got here, with no particular target - not one that he wants to admit to, anyway - and they glance over a quiet bird before making a double take. She seems shy, the type who was dragged out by her more extroverted friends, but the look in her eyes when she meets Zayn's gaze says otherwise.

He nods at her, downing the rest of his beer.

Then feels a mess of curls pushing their way into his ears, and hears Harry mumbling, "What're you looking at? Oh, no, Zayn, come _on_."

He whirls Zayn in his chair, frowning. "Remember the last time you did this? With Rebecca?"

Rolling his eyes, Zayn turns back to the bar top. "I'm not doing anything, Harry, stop."

Harry nods vigorously. "Um, yeah, you are; you're making bedroom eyes at that bird over there! Listen, Zee, just cos you and Niall are on a 'break-'" he uses finger quotes here, which irks Zayn almost as much as when Niall called the break "-doesn't mean you can drown your sorrows and shitty alcohol and strange women. Be smarter than that, Zayn." He punches his shoulder. "Stop it with the eyes!"

A hand makes itself at home on Zayn's shoulder, and he turns, seeing that girl from before. She smiles slowly. "Hey."

And it's definitely they kind of _hey_ that Zayn can work with.

Only - "No! Go on, he has a boyfriend." Harry places his hand on Zayn's opposite shoulder and flaps his hand at her. Zayn smacks him. "Ow!"

"That is not an issue with me," the girl smirks, lips red like roses and teeth sharp like - Louis's, actually.

Harry makes an appalled face, then scoffs, repulsed. "Know what, fine. You wanna dig your hole deeper, Zayn, go ahead. But I'm not helping you out of it." He grabs the beer he's been nursing for the past - what, they've been here an hour? - and walks off, shaking his head.

Zayn turns back to the girl, who grins wickedly. "Wanna buy me a drink?"

***

Niall had no one else to talk to, okay. Zayn and Louis are best mates, so he couldn't talk to him, and Harry is his roommate, and Liam stresses out easy. He couldn't talk to anyone in their circle; they'd all be put in an awkward position.

Which is why Bressie's here, at Niall's door, holding takeaway containers of Chinese and wearing an expression that just screams pity.

Niall lets him in, running a hand through his own hair. "Thanks, Brez. I didn't know who else to call."

Bressie shrugs. "'S fine, chief. Saw how tense things were between you and your boy back in the office; knew you'd need to let off some steam."

Eyes narrowing, Niall helps to open the food. "Not sexual steam, though. That's not what's happening here."

Snorting, the other Irishman hands over a pair of chopsticks. "Trust me, I know. I stopped running after that kite months ago." 

Blushing furiously, Niall digs into his lo mein.

"So, where _is_ your boy, anyway?" Bressie asks around an eggroll.

It only takes about ten minutes for Niall to explain the situation -Zayn has been angry for the past couple weeks because Niall has been working so much, Niall thinks his anger is unreasonable, now they're on a break.

"Not broken up, you know, just," Niall rubs at an eye underneath his glasses. "A break. To get some time to ourselves, since we've practically living in each other's pockets since day one." He shakes his head. "I think I need to apologize."

Bressie spreads out his hands. "Then what're you waiting for, chief?" He grabs Niall's phone off the tabletop, holds it out. "Call the lad."

Nodding, Niall starts to dial for Zayn's number. Bressie asks for a drink - dumb oaf forgot to pick some up - and he waves at the fridge vaguely, holding the phone up to his ear and chewing on his nail.

The dial tone only rings three times before Zayn is answering, loud music muffling his half-shouted _hello?_

"Zayn?" Niall asks. "Where are you?"

"Don't worry about it; are you okay? It's half past one in the morning!" He says something else, but it's drowned out by the music, almost as if he had pulled the phone away from his mouth.

Making a face, Niall shakes his head. "You're the one who's in a - a pub, or whatever. Are _you_ okay?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Zayn yells. "Um, did you call on purpose, or?"

"Yeah, like, I just wanted to say I was sorry, like." Niall chew on his lip. "I was really mean, and I should have appreciated what you did tonight rather than go off on you for it."

"You have nothing, chief, where're the drinks?" Bressie says. Niall waves to shush him,but it's too late.

"Is that Bressie?" Zayn snaps. "What the hell, Niall?"

"No, no, Zayn, that's not-"

"No, you know what, Niall, m'done." And he ends the call. Niall stares at his phone, feeling tears prick his eyes.

He can't believe this is happening. Zayn is so - Niall doesn't even know how to describe it, but whoever he dated last must have really fucked him over (Niall wouldn't know; Zayn refuses to talk about it), because he's so easily freaked out and threatened. He doesn't trust Niall, and everytime someone knew is introduced into his life, Zayn panics. Doesn't matter how much Niall tries to assure him, _I love you, Zayn, only you._ He continues to be extremely paranoid and - 

And Niall's tired of it.

***

So, Zayn made a mistake. And, in all honesty, he only considers it a mistake because of one reason: Niall is on his way.

Okay, so it's not the best moral motivator, but nobody's perfect.

He can still hear the voicemail ringing in his ear from like, a half hour ago. _Hey listen, Zayn, I just - I'm sorry, alright, but Bressie wasn't  there because of_ that _, alright, I just. I needed someone to talk to. And - and I_ know _I should've spoken to Louis or Liam or Harry, but you know how they are. Anyway, if - if you wanna talk, I'm gonna swing by yours on my way to work, around eight? So, um. Yeah. Love you._

It's seven forty-eight. And Zayn still hasn't gotten rid of the bird from last night. He's been trying to gather all her stuff from last night before waking her up, because he's nice like that. So.

"Hey, Zayn, d'you have an extra toothbrush I can use? My mouth tastes like arse." She comes out of his room, makeup runny in that way that's attractive under dim lights and alcohol but just looks sloppy in the morning and hair an absolute mess.

"Uh, no." He says shortly. "But I've got some mouthwash you use real quick, but like, you need to be gone. Soon." He holds up her stuff. "All your shit is together already."

Quirking an eyebrow, she pushes herself off her post on the doorway and heads towards the loo. Zayn checks the time. Seven fifty-one. Oh, shit.

Zayn rushes into the bathroom, slightly panicking. The girl, he can't remember her fucking _name_ , is leisurely knocking back a mouthful. "Listen, remember the boyfriend my mate mentioned last night?" She quirks her eyebrow again. Zayn takes it as a yes. "Right, well, he's on his way right now and might even be here soon, like in-" he checks his phone and screams internally "-three minutes soon, so please, _please_ , for the love of all that is good and pure. _Hurry up_."

She uses her hands to hold back her hair as she spits out the mouthwash, then points to a towel Zayn's mum put there in an attempt to decorate. "Can I use this?"

"Go ahead."

She wipes her mouth, wets a small portion to wipe off the worst of her makeup, and opens her mouth to speak.

"It's not my fault you cheated, love, alright? So if you feel guilty, that's your fault, and if you think rushing me out of here will make things better, it won't." When she's satisfied, she spreads the towel and places it on the sink to dry. She turns to him. "And you're gonna have to tell him you slept with me."

Zayn holds up a finger. "First off, we're on a break, so _technically_ I didn't cheat. Second of, you knew I had a boyfriend, and yet you still came on to me. Third off, he is never going to find out, because we're not telling anyone. Okay?"

Running her tongue over her teeth, she smirks, cocking her head. "I'm not a homewrecker, love, because you opened the door." She grabs her stuff out of his hands. "I won't tell anyone. I'll let myself out."

And then there's a knock on the door.

"Like hell you are." Zayn snaps, and pushes her back a step. She cries out, but he slams the door on her, assembled some weird rig to make sure the door doesn't open, and heads to the front door.

Niall looks soft, like he usually does at this time, hair in a soft swoop off his forehead and glasses riding down his nose.

Zayn almost wants to cry. "Niall!"

He grins sheepishly. "Yeah, um, I would've buzzed, but someone let me up, so. Um, so do you wanna talk, or?"

Zayn shakes his head. "No, no, I think it's absolutely fine. I overreacted and I should've listened when you said you were too busy to do dinner. I'm sorry."

It's worth it, shouldering some of the blame, when it makes Niall's eyes light up in that way. Almost shyly, the Irishman pulls Zayn in for a hug, burrowing his face into his neck.

"I'm sorry, too."

***

"She was still there when he showed up?" Harry cries. Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Yes, and you would've been able to help me get rid of her had you been there last night! Where were you?" He snaps.

Harry shrugs. "I was here; I knew your moody arse was gonna be home and I wasn't up for dealing with it. Liam let me crash."

Groaning, Zayn runs a hand down his face. "I cannot believe."

"I sort of can." He scoffs when Zayn glares at him. "Like I said last night, Zee, this has happened before. You're just too stupid to not learn."

Dropping down next to him on the couch, Zayn groans again. "What am I gonna do."

"Well," Harry begins passively. Zayn groans again. "No, no, you're gonna like it, promise. You don't tell Niall, first off, because you two apparently have different definitions of 'break,' and you make sure the trail doesn't reach him, either. Simple."

Zayn quirks a brow. "What's the trail."

Harry gives him a look. "You know," he mumbles. He waves his fingers. "The _trail_. The people who connect you and you one nighter to your significant other. Like, I know Louis, who knows Liam, who knows Niall. I'm a trail."

Shaking his head, the darker boy laughs. "You're an idiot. And she said she wouldn't tell anyone."

The sentence is barely finished when Harry screams LIES into his ear. He flinched away, groaning. He's doing that a lot today.

"Girls are always gonna tell if they slept with someone, especially if it was good, especially if it was bad. Which were you?"

"I'm not answering that."

"We'll take it as bad, then - ow! Fine, good." They spend the next fifteen minutes trying to figure out this stupid trail, and when they do, Harry sends Zayn off with a "Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed."

***

So the trail was as follows:

Gigi, who is the girl that Zayn slept with, works at some clothing store with Kendall, who is best friends with Cara and ex's with Harry. The Harry trail is a dud, for obvious reasons, so he follows Cara, who is also best friends with Harry and works with him and Lou at some obscure photography company. Lou knows Perrie, who is the bridge between said company and Niall's magazine. Trail found and hidden.

But.

Gigi also knows Caroline, who owns the clothing store, who knows Eleanor, who runs the fashion section of Niall's magazine. Trail found and hidden.

 _But_.

Kendall knows Eleanor, who knows Perrie, who knows Jade, yet another photographer at Niall's magazine, who is roommate's with Ed. Ed, who works at the coffee shop all five of the guys frequent so much that they have a table that's perpetually reserved for them, and who has an insane crush on Niall. Trail found.

"Ed, hi!" Zayn gasps, breathless from running around the city all day. News travels way too quickly. "I need to talk to you."

Wiping down the counter, Ed nods. "What's up?"

"You know how your roommate Jade told you about me and Gigi?" Zayn pants, leaning against the counter. Ed nods. "I need to make sure you don't mention anything to Niall."

Ed fakes an astonished look. "Was I not supposed to?" And walks away.

Groaning out of pain and exasperation, Zayn turns to lean his back against the counter. And sees Niall.

Niall, who should be at work, but instead has foggy glasses and red rimmed eyes. Niall, whose face is blotchy but steely, always so cut off from any sort of negative emotion.

Niall, who's staring at Zayn as if he were seeing a stranger.

Trail found.

Trail ended.

***

Louis has never turned down a bet. Ever. So when Liam thought it would be a good idea to dare him to wax his legs, he agreed wholeheartedly.

Oh, how he regrets it now.

"Ow, mother _fucker_!" He yells, ripping off the strip. "You said it'd be painless!"

"That's what the box says!" Liam defends himself, turning said box over in his hands.

Growling, Louis rips another strip off, blinking back reflexive tears. "Why aren't you doing this?"

Which is how Louis waxing his legs turned into Louis and Liam ripping wax strips off each other and yelling alternatively.

Suddenly, the door to Louis's room bursts open, revealing Harry weilding a frying pan. He's screaming, some sort of war cry, and looks about as ferocious as an angry puppy.

"What's going on? Who's here?" He yells, then drops his arms and straightens up when he sees the other two boys. "What the hell are you doing; you scared the crap outta me."

Louis points at Liam. "It's all his fault!"

But Liam isn't paying attention to the accusation, is instead staring at the frying pan in Harry's hands. "I'm sorry, were you planning on making our attacker a nice breakfast, or?" He shakes his head slowly.

With his bottom jaw jutting out, Harry leans all his weight onto one leg, fist propped on his waist. "Rapunzel did just _fine_ with a frying pan, thank you very much."

Scoffing, Liam scoots back on the bed, getting comfortable. "Okay."

Annoyed at having his dilemma so quickly pushed aside, Louis stands. " _Anyway_ , Liam here dared me to _wax my legs_ , and he _promised_ it wouldn't hurt, but it _did_! Like a bitch!" He points at Liam again. "Hit him with your frying pan!"

Harry pulls a face. "Waxing does not hurt that bad." He waves the pan at Louis. "You're just a wuss." He turns to Liam. "So why were you screaming, then?"

Liam shrugs. "Louis waxed me."

Huffing, Louis grabs the pot of wax and a strip, applying them to a small spot on Harry's arm. Harry scoffs.

"Oh yeah, real matu-" he breaks off into a small whimper when Louis takes the strip off with a sound like ripping paper.

They all freeze when they hear yelling in the living room. Harry, who is the master of having terrible reflexes, shuts the room door.

"What are you doing?" Louis hisses. Harry shrugs, making a vague _I don't know_ sound. Louis, about to respond, silences when he hears Niall yell.

***

"I cannot believe you slept with her!" Niall snaps, throwing the keys onto the counter. He runs a hand through his hair, breathing in deeply to stave of frustrated tears.

Zayn, trailing behind him, slams the door shut. "Ni, can you please just - slow down and let me explain."

Niall turns on him, seething, and whips a pillow at him. Zayn ducks, life flashing before his eyes.

"What is there to explain, Zed?" He shouts. "You slept with someone else! That's it! There's nothing left to explain!" He turns away when his voice cracks midway through the last word, face crumpling.

Laughing mirthlessly, Zayn shrugs. "We were on a break, babe. We still _are_. Can't really be mad at me."

When Niall turns back, it's with his jaw dropped and an incredulous expression adorning his features. "It was a _break_ , Zayn, not a break _up_. It was us giving each other some room to breathe after - after three _fucking_ years-" and his voice breaks here, his face crumples in the slightest, but he powers through "-of being there for each other. Of being with each other all the time." He laughs, choppy and wet. "It wasn't a break up."

Eyes narrowing, Zayn shakes his head, taking a step back and waving an accusing finger at Niall. "No, no, you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to just change up the meaning of your words because that makes it more convenient for you, Niall." He drags a hand down his face. "You - you _said_  you wanted to take a break from _this_. _This_ would be _us_ , Niall. Us, as in no longer being in a relationship."

Niall nods complacently, jaw working. "Fine. Fine, I wasn't clear with my meaning and that led to miscommunication and I'm sorry. I am." He shrugs. "But did you really have to sleep with someone else the second it looked like we might've been through? Or, or does that mean that you never would have told me about sleeping with that girl? Be - because in the end, _that's_ what hurts, Zayn, _that's_ what makes me feel like utter _shit_." His voice breaks again, and he covers his face with his hands, fingers sneaking under his glasses to catch the tears.

And Zayn has always hated that, how Niall refuses to let anyone see him break, whether it's with anger or sadness or anything remotely not positive. The second the grin is wiped off his face because of something bad he locks up, won't let anyone in. Including Zayn.

Zayn, who's left speechless with Niall's declaration.

When he's composed himself, Niall drags his hands down, sniffs. "I just. I just don't get why you had to let me find out through _Ed_ , of all people. I just can't believe-"

"I didn't want you to find out through Ed, Ni, I promise. I was going over there to make sure that he didn't tell you, that's how much I care, don't you see?" Zayn pleads. Niall gives him a look so scathing that Zayn almost wants to just prostrate himself at his feet. "I knew it would hurt you, I knew you would be devastated when you found out. Harry was the one who told me to make sure you didn't find out in the first place!"

***

"You _what_?" Liam gasps. The three of them pull back from their position against the wall. They'd been adding in their own personal commentary, but this needs special attention.

"Hey, I was just helping out a mate, alright?" Harry hisses. "There's no way these two can come back from something as big as sleeping with someone else, so I stepped up and came up with a solution."

Louis gapes. "You really think they can't come back from this?" He murmurs. Harry blanches.

"That's not what I meant." He whispers furiously.

Louis shrugs. "Isn't it, though?"

***

"Who _ever_ actually listens to Harry's plans?" Niall cries.

"Hey," Zayn snaps, "Harry has perfectly good plans."

"Oh really?" Niall begins to tick on his fingers. "The football match in January right before that snowstorm, adopting that stupid hairless cat, the flat switch with Liam, _this_!" He waves between them aggressively. "Time and time again, Zayn, someone tells you to do something that you know - that you _know_ isn't right. Not right to you, or what you feel." He shakes his head. "I'm done. You think we're broken up? Congratulations, Zed. We're broken up."

Eyes shining, Zayn shakes his head. He flinches when Niall comes at him, not relaxing even when he passes by to open the door.

" _Leave_ , Malik." He growls. Daring to attempt one more try, Zayn turns, clutches the back of one of the chairs.

"Niall, please, _please_ can we talk about this." He pleads. They stare at each other in silence, until Niall nods and slams the door.

"Fine. You wanna talk? Let's talk." He stands opposite Zayn, mirroring his stance. "How was she?"

***

"Don't answer that!" Harry hisses, at the same time Louis says "Awful!" and Liam adds "Nothing compared to you!"

They all give each other a look, the _we'll never speak of this_ kind, and press their ears back to the door.

***

Zayn gapes, mouth dropping open and closing again. "How - how - how was she?" He asks, holding up a finger. Niall nods.

"How was she?"

"Um, well." Zayn chuckles nervously, places a hand on his hip while scratching his chin. "She was - she was. Different?"

***

"Ohh, _nooo_ , Zayn!" Louis groans, dropping his head between his knees from where he's sat on his bed. Harry grimaces, agreeing.

"Wait," Liam asks, looking between the two of them. "What's wrong with what he said?"

"Ohh, _nooo_ , Liam!" Louis cries quietly, throwing his arms around him.

***

Niall's jaw crooks, tongue digging into his molars, and his head quirks to the side. His hip is cocked, one fist resting on it and the other on the chair he was gripping before. "Different? Like, like _good_ different?"

Zayn flounders for a bit, hand waving about. "Well, nobody likes change," he says weakly. Niall's eyes widen, and Zayn can see the rage blooming in his features. Not even just anger. _Rage_.

"Wait, wait, wait," he flaps his hands in front of him. "Sorry, sorry, I'll be serious. I just - she was a girl, Niall, I haven't been with a girl since Rebecca!"

Nodding sarcastically, Niall runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, and you cheated on her, too."

"We were on a break!" Zayn yells. "I'm done with this, Ni, we weren't together!"

"You literally slept with someone else only a few hours after our supposed break up!" Niall shouts. "If you're so ready to sleep with someone else at the slightest indication that you're single, then how I can really trust you at any other moment! You weren't even gonna tell me!"

***

"You've gotta admit, he's got a point," Liam whispers. Harry makes a face.

"Not really; Zayn has only ever cheated once, and that was just because they hadn't _really_ broken up, and he didn't realize." He states. "This was not the same - Niall was unclear in his statement and he didn't bother making it clear. Zayn was just self-medicating."

Louis scoffs. "By sleeping with someone else. Not exactly a great medicinal treatment."

Affronted, Harry flips him the middle finger. "Your solution doesn't sound much better; drinking until you don't even know your own name? At least Zayn got some sort of pleasure out of his instead of being a whiny little bi-"

"Okay!" Liam steps between them. "Those two are already fighting; it's not gonna help them if we do, too."

Louis rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

***

The fight goes on through the entire day. Niall orders a meat-lover's pizza, just to spite Zayn, and Zayn orders Chinese from Niall's favorite place and refuses to share.

They don't settle anything, going on to the early hours of the morning, and it's not until the sun begins to rise on the next day that a compromise is reached.

It's not exactly pleasant.

"I'm done, Zayn." Niall whispers. His eyes are red under his glasses, from tears and exhaustion, and his voice is wrecked from screaming and crying. "For real, this time. We just - we're not. _Good_. Together."

Zayn, sat on the floor by Niall's feet with tears threatening to spill over, chokes back a sob. "Please, no, Niall, just. Please."

He shakes his head, face screwing up. "No, _no_ , Zayn. You're - you're too possessive, and I flirt with everyone, and we obviously have issues communicating, like."

Scarmbling to his knees, Zayn kneels in front of Niall, places his hands on the blond's thighs. "No, listen, we do work, okay? 'Member, before we were dating, and everyone thought we already were? Because we got on so well? Because I do. I remember how, when I introduced you my mum, she asked me when the wedding was, and we weren't even _thinking_ about dating." He sniffs, wipes away a tear. "We - we're Beck and Posh, yeah? You and me, against the world, that's how we are. We _fit_ , Ni, we do. Just, please don't give up on us, _jaan."_

At the term of endearment that Zayn usually only calls his sisters, Niall's tears stop flowing silently, and he tries to hold the sobs in, but he can't, and it breaks Zayn's heart.

" _No_ , Zayn," Niall cries, rising to his feet. Zayn stays on his knees, staring up with wide brown eyes. "I _can't_ , I can't anymore. Just - leave. _Now_."

Taking a shaky breath in, Zayn nods. He stands, knees cracking from the strain of being straightened after so long. "Okay." He places one last soft kiss on Niall's cheek, pleased in a somewhat horrible way the he doesn't flinch away.

When he's at the door, he turns back, hand on the knob. "I love you, Niall."

Niall can't bring himself to say it back, even though he wants to.

***

When Liam, Louis, and Harry come out of the room, it's seven in the morning and they've all called off of work, too hungry and tired and somewhat scared to go in after what happened.

Niall is asleep on the couch, half his face pressed deeply into the cushion. His eyes are swollen, and there's a small wet spot by his eye on the cushion. Louis waves off the other two, tells them he can handle Niall, they should go after Zayn.

Louis places a blanket over the sleeping boy, feeling a surge of protectiveness flow over him, like when Lottie had her first breakup. If Zayn weren't his best mate, he'd punch him the same way he punched Lottie's boyfriend.

But the worst part of it is that Louis knows, deep in his heart, that Zayn and Niall won't be coming back from this.

And if he cries while petting at Niall's hair, well. That's nobody's business but his own.

**Author's Note:**

> And then Zayn leaves because he gets cut out in the way that Rachel didn't in the show, but that's to represent his leaving the band. See how I align my stupid thoughts with reality? Hahaha
> 
> Visit me on tumblr, if you want: issueswithsocializing


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